I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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