I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I need water and some morals
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
