upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
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