I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
