I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
We smell like vodka and hangover
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