She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
