What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
