there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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