Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
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