Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
