I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
