Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
