I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
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