Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
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