I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
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