I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
