I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Randomize
