Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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