I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
