Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
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