Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Randomize
