Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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