...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
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