It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Randomize
