so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
