Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
