weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
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