just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Randomize
