i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
