sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
