And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
fuck your aforementioned shoe
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
