If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize