you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
