walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
