she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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