You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I love having hate sex.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
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