Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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