I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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