what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
As shirtless as possible
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
