just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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