anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
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