and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
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