I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
That accounts for only three of the penises
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
