He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize