did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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