When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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