totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
