Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
