i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
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