so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
