fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
