We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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