sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
i believe in u and ur pee
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
