that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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