she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
The air was thick with penises
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
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