OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
