I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
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