I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
