my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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