Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
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