Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
