Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
