I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
he was CRYING into my vagina
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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