I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
