i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
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