I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
