Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Randomize
