your room smells of hookers.
And success
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
