Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
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