so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
