i need an iv and a liver transplant
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
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