5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize