ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
