onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
