My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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