She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
