I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
