i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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