i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize