Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
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