"it" just moved
just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize
