Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Randomize
