i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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