I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
