I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
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