Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
