i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
