Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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