Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
