The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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