you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
