I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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