Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
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