I didn't shave. On purpose
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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