My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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