Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
is wine microwaveable?
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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